HYPOCRISY WATCH: Bad Gorilla… Bad, Bad Gorilla

This editorial was submitted to us from a reader this morning. OKPNS encourages our readers to submit tips, suggestions, and editorials.

On Monday, everyone’s favorite Sooner Simian (Black has long called himself the “Bad Gorilla” of Oklahoma politics, just to clarify for any new readers who might be wondering about all the ape-speak) published in his daily rant a missive titled “It’s not personal, it’s just business.” Stephen King has spun less ridiculous tales than some of the lines I found in this blog, and so, having a little extra time on my hands, I decided to respond. Why? Because it’s my way of reminding Black we care.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “As a pseudo-political consultant, one of my most glaring weaknesses is that I tend to be pretty loyal and those loyalties transcend mere partisan politics, but cuts to the very essence of who I am as a person.”

TRUTH: No one’s arguing that Black’s a pseudo-consultant (okay, forgive me for swinging at that one… but I had to), but isn’t Ron Black calling himself loyal a bit like the Titanic continuing to call itself unsinkable? The Denise Bode lead-flack lost his race, moved to Cornett for a week, and then spent the rest of the campaign undermining Cornett and his team, whom he’d gotten a look at from the inside. And as for transcending partisan politics, maybe that part is true, considering that he worked for one Republican (Denise Bode) and one Democrat (David Prater) last election cycle.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “For many people, politics is deeply personal because their whole existence is dependent upon the political process and it is within the political realm where they eat, sleep, drink, and draw a paycheck.”

TRUTH: Gonna hafta disagree with you here, Ron. What you see as personal is perhaps more a competitive spirit. What you didn’t like about the Bode campaign was losing, and perhaps it wasn’t the others who were taking it personally. Perhaps it was you. And Denise. And maybe Kevin Calvey. Everyone else pretty much just moved on. As for drawing a paycheck, it’s called “having a job” Ron.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “One candidate in the last election cycle awakened to find their opponent’s yard signs all over their front yard – imagine that for a moment.”

TRUTH: This story gets better every time you tell it. Post the picture you have on your website. It was two signs! It was a third campaign that put them there. Imagine instead one candidate having his commitment to family values called into question by Denise Bode? Or another candidate being accused of ordering a church to be torn down? And the most you can complain about is a candidate suffered the horror of a couple yard signs in her yard? Put the hash-pipe down, Ron, you’ve had your fill.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “I call myself a “pseudo-consultant” because I still have a soul and I consult with candidates I like, I know, and I believe would be great for the job they desire.”

TRUTH: David Prater did an excellent job defending cop-killers, did he? Thanks for helping put a Democrat in office Ron.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “I know that what I am about to share with you may seem arrogant but I give you my word that it is not. You see, I have been approached by a significant number of potential candidates for public office and a few political action committees to work with them on campaigns. Thus far, I have agreed to work with only one – Jerry Foshee and his campaign for Senate District 45 in 2008. There are one or two others I am considering right now, but I have turned down and walked away from a ton of cash because frankly, I want to be able to wake up in the morning, look at my family and know that I haven’t yet sold my soul.”

TRUTH: Ah, who knows? To each his own, and to some soulless consultant that “ton of cash” Ron just couldn’t manage to accept.

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “I refuse to work with anyone whose idea of winning includes unwarranted attacks on their opposition that have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the office their opponent seeks.”

TRUTH: When you attacked Mary Fallin for alleged (and unproven) personal indiscretions, what did that have to do with the office she was seeking? When you attacked Mick Cornett on a local library book issue, what did that have to do with Congress? Is this a new standard you’re setting, Ron?

BAD, BAD GORILLA: “Perhaps we will learn from our past and dare not make the same mistakes – particularly those of us who call ourselves Republicans.”

TRUTH: Lesson One, according to a friend at the State Republican Party: stop helping elect Democrats. Learn that, and perhaps you can get a promotion from “pseudo-consultant” to full-fledged consultant. And then, one day, we’ll call you the “Good Gorilla of Oklahoma Politics.”

Dare to dream, Ron. Dare to dream.

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